Fool That I Am Read online

  When they reached his office, he led her to the sidebar where he poured himself a splash of scotch. Billie shook her head no when he offered her a drink and watched as he tossed the drink back and swallowed roughly. Just when she thought the tension between them was growing to a fever pitch, he walked over to a vintage record player, selected a disc, and set the needle to the vinyl. The jazzy strains of the song reached her ears and she smiled softly.

  Daniel strolled to her side as Sinatra began to croon It Had to Be You and, raising her hand to kiss her knuckles, asked, “Dance with me?”

  Tears sprang to her eyes as she nodded in agreement. There was no hesitation as she stepped into his arms. Placing her left hand around his neck and nestling her right hand in his against his chest, they swayed to the sound of Blue Eyes singing, “It must have been, that something lovers call fate, kept me saying, I have to wait…” Closing her eyes, Billie inhaled his unique scent and committed it to memory. The last six weeks had been like a fairytale to Billie. It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t her Prince Charming.

  Pulling back a bit to look down at her, he said, “You love him, don’t you?”

  A tear rolled slowly down her cheek as she replied honestly, “Yes.”

  Reaching out, he used his thumb to wipe away the tear and trace the line of her cheek. “I knew it the moment I walked back and saw the way you were looking at him. You’ve never looked at me like that. It was as if magnets were pulling you together,” he told her with a half-smile.

  Billie couldn’t stop the tears that spilled freely down her face now. Pulling in a stuttering breath, she told him, “I wanted to love you, Daniel. You are a good man and have treated me so wonderfully…” she trailed off, stifling a sob.

  “Shhhh, don’t cry, Billie,” he begged her, pulling her back to his chest as he ran his warm hands over her shaking back. Gently, he continued to sway to the music until she calmed. “Getting to know you these past weeks has been like a breath of fresh air to me,” he told her quietly. “I didn’t realize how jaded and cynical I had become among the false friends and money-hungry women of my social circle. Then you came along with your honest opinions and disdain for excess and set my head to spinning. You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met, Billie. You’re one of the first people I’ve met that’s just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.”

  This made her start crying again as guilt swelled up and threatened to swallow her whole. “I’m not so great,” she muttered from within the folds of his shirt. “As a matter of fact, I think I’m pretty awful. You deserve someone much better than me, Daniel. Someone who will love you for the kind, generous, amazing person you are and not just for your money.” Pulling away once more to search his dark brown eyes, she smiled tremulously and added, “And for your pretty face, too.”

  He chuckled lightly, making the dimples that she loved so much appear next to his lips. Unable to resist, she leaned up on her toes and pressed one final kiss to his lips. For long seconds, their lips clung to each other in farewell before she pulled back and stepped out of his arms.

  “Thank you for everything, Daniel,” she choked past the emotion in her throat. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you as much as you’ve given me.”

  Walking her to the door where Hank and Connie were waiting outside to drive her home, he replied thoughtfully, “Don’t sell yourself short, my love. You have given me something more valuable than you could imagine.”

  “What’s that?” she asked curiously as he chivalrously held her coat for her to slide into.

  Placing a sweet kiss on her hair, he pulled back and replied, “A benchmark by which to measure every woman that comes after you.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Several days later, she was once again sitting around the break table with her friends on their last day of work before Christmas. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and the pediatrician’s office would be closed for the rest of the week. In celebration, the coworkers had all brought in a dish for an impromptu potluck and were busily sampling all the offerings as they chatted. As was par for course lately, the talk turned to Billie’s love life.

  “Still no word from Sam?” Irene asked, scooping out a large helping of Jessica’s broccoli casserole on her plate.

  By now, Connie and Billie had filled the other women in on everything that had happened the previous weekend, including Sam’s jaw-dropping confession, the confrontation with Tanya, and the tearful break-up with Daniel. There was so much drama swirling around Billie right now that her friends were treating her life like their very own private soap opera.

  “No, still no phone calls or visits,” Billie sighed, pushing her food around on her plate with a fork. “I thought for sure that I would see him after what he said the other night, but I guess I was wrong.”

  Speaking around a mouthful of Irene’s homemade lasagna, Shanay said, “What about Daniel? Are you still going to sing there now that you two have broken up?”

  “I’m not sure it would be wise,” she replied, pushing her plate away, “Especially since the article in the paper revealed my real name.”

  Connie, helping herself to a large slice of Derby pie, chimed in, “I understand why you had to do it, linda, but I still say you should have just let me handle that puta fea.”

  Billie grinned at her friend. “I think I handled her just fine, Con. After the newspaper scooped her by breaking the story first, anything else she writes will just seem like made-up gossip to get attention. I really don’t care what she writes about me as long as she leaves the kids out of it. Besides, Karina Thompkin’s story in the paper and online was very flattering and sympathetic. After a few weeks, no one will remember me as long as I don’t step back on the stage.”

  Jessica, pushing back from the table while moaning about her full belly, said, “I thought you loved performing, Billie! That doesn’t seem fair to not be able to do it anymore.”

  Billie nodded in agreement, disappointment clouding her vision. “I really did enjoy singing on the stage, but it would be too difficult to go back there again. I’m only under contract with Daniel for a year, so I can always try again someday. Besides,” she added with a wide smile, “I’ll always have karaoke!”

  ****************************************************************************

  Christmas Eve was the best in Billie’s memory. She and the kids bundled up and went to her parents’ house and spent the day cooking, baking, laughing, and watching all the Christmas movies that her mother kept on DVD for this occasion. Derrick and her dad spent hours discussing books and movies while listening to his old vinyl collection and Lola had a blast helping Grammy wrap some gifts. Billie felt extremely blessed as she looked around at her small family, but still felt that twinge of loneliness when she thought of Sam.

  It was late when they arrived home that evening and Billie had no problem getting them into the bed for the night. After she was sure they sound asleep, she crept into the living room to set up their gifts under the tree and to fill their stockings to overflowing with candy and small toys. She would always be grateful to Daniel for making it possible to have the best Christmas they’d ever had and she closed her eyes and prayed with all her heart that he would find a woman that could love him for who is on the inside.

  As she finished filling the stockings, she noticed that her own stocking appeared to have something stuck inside it. Touching the soft velvet, she heard a crinkle of paper inside it and reached her hand in to pull out a thick envelope. Her name was scrawled in elegant cursive on the outside of the letter and beneath were the words “With love, Daniel.” Popping the seal with her fingernail, she opened the envelope to see what could be inside.

  The envelope was full of torn papers. Pulling out one of the pieces, she read the words on it and realized it was the employment contract she had signed with Daniel. She dumped the envelope out on the kitchen table and gingerly tried to piece them back together as tears slid down her face. Amongst the fragments, she
found a small, handwritten note. It said, “Caged birds don’t sing. Be free, be happy, but always sing.”

  Billie’s heart swelled and overflowed. Emotional tears fell like raindrops to splash on the shattered remains of her fairytale. Guilt and sadness warred with gratitude and love as she placed the torn papers back in the envelope. She tucked it safely away in her hope chest as a reminder of her time in the spotlight and crawled into bed. As she lay her head on the pillow, she wondered why fate was so cruel as to make her heart love one man she couldn’t have, but give her another one she couldn’t love back.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Christmas morning arrived bright and early as Lola jumped on Billie and begged her to get up at six in the morning so they could open presents. Derrick, even at the wiser age of 11, still stood there eagerly as she shuffled into her slippers and robe and followed the squealing little girl into the living room. Thankfully, she had foreseen such an event and set the alarm on the coffee pot to start brewing at that early hour, so she was able to pour a steaming mug of the brew before her little girl combusted in excitement.

  An hour later, the living room was a disaster of shredded paper, torn packages, and candy wrappers. Billie pulled the monkey bread out of the oven, Lola was busily trying on her princess dresses and play shoes, and Derrick was happily catching Pokémon on his handheld game. They only had a few more hours together to enjoy this special moment before Chad arrived to pick them for the rest of the day. While Billie was sad to have to have to split her holiday with him, she was also happy that her kids would get to have another Christmas with their dad and grandmother.

  Eventually, Billie had to rouse the kids and get them dressed and ready to go. After packing Lola’s bag, painstakingly freeing the bristles of the brush from her curls, and reminding Derrick to pack his inhaler, she finally had them ready to go when the doorbell rang.

  Billie steeled herself to see him for the first time since he had blabbed her identity to the reporter. Opening the door, she surveyed the man that she had thought she loved so many years ago. His hair was still golden blonde and wavy and his eyes a piercing blue, if a bit blood-shot. His belly had softened and gotten thicker and his teeth were yellowed from nicotine. He was still attractive in his own way, but the sight of him turned her cold.

  “Hey, Billie,” he muttered, stepping into the mudroom and standing awkwardly. “Can I talk to you for a minute before you call for the kids?”

  There was nothing she wanted less than to talk to him, but she owed it to her children to get along with him, so she nodded agreeably. “Of course. What did you want to talk about?”

  His eyes darted around the room, never landing on her face, as he stammered, “Uh, I guess I sorta owe you an apology. You know, for the other night?”

  Billie arched her eyebrow and said nothing, refusing to make it easy on him this time. She had spent years catering to him like his mother had all his life, but she was done with that now.

  He huffed in irritation. “Look, I was just taken by surprise, ok? You should have told me that you were singing at The Silver Knight. I didn’t know that woman was a reporter until later. It’s not my fault that she ruined your little tryst with your rich boyfriend.”

  Billie tamped down the flare of rage threatening to erupt from her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she asked through gritted teeth, “How is any of that an apology? I don’t care what you say about me. I’m a big girl and can take care of myself. But you told that woman about our children, Chad. You didn’t just expose me and my real identity. You told her about Derrick and Lola. How could you do that?”

  This time, real shame colored his face a florid red and he had the good grace to look at the ground. “I didn’t mean to, Billie. I was drunk off my ass and didn’t realize what I was doing. I’m really sorry about that. You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt them. Regardless of what you think about me, I love my kids,” he insisted earnestly.

  Billie softened a fraction and regarded him stonily. “It’s fine. I took care of it and hopefully all this will die down quickly. I’m not singing there anymore. But that also means that I will no longer have a second income to help take care of the kids. You need to step up and start helping me support them, Chad. Pay your child support every month on time and pitch in with other stuff without having me harass you all the time. You should also stop drinking so much, too. It’s time to grow up and be responsible for your actions,” she told him plainly.

  To her surprise, he didn’t get angry or defensive. Instead, he looked like a heavy burden was on his shoulders. “I know you’re right. I’ve made some bad decisions and done some things I’m not proud of,” he confessed, rubbing his hands over his eyes. “I screwed up and lost you and now Sam isn’t talking to me, either. He told me that he was done putting up with my shit, and he doesn’t even know the worst thing that I’ve done.”

  Billie sucked in a surprised breath. “What did you do, Chad?” she asked, dread making her voice shake.

  Chad lifted tortured eyes to hers and blurted, “I slept with Renata while they were dating. I couldn’t seem to help myself. She came on to me first and the thrill of sneaking around just kept sucking me back in and-“

  Disgusted, Billie interrupted him, “Stop! Just stop. That is the most despicable thing I have heard coming out of your mouth. It’s always someone else’s fault, isn’t it?” Fury blazed in her eyes as she continued, “It was my fault when you cheated on me, remember? I was too big when I was pregnant, too tired to see to your needs, stretch marks grossed you out, and on and on. But to do this to your best friend that you’ve had since first grade? How could you, Chad?”

  “You’ve just got to keep throwing that in my face, don’t you? I said I made some mistakes! Nobody is perfect like you, Billie. Besides, he didn’t love Renata, anyway,” he replied petulantly.

  A new thought suddenly occurred to Billie and a horrified gasp escaped her mouth. “Oh. My. God. She’s pregnant with your baby, isn’t she?”

  Chad was silent for a moment before he nodded miserably. “We never used protection, because we were sneaking around and never seemed to have any on hand. Sam was always such a stickler for using condoms that it’s almost impossible for it to be his,” he explained, dejection pulling his face into a frown.

  Billie was speechless. Just when she thought he couldn’t shock her with his actions anymore, he pulled a stunt like this. “I really don’t know what to say to you right now,” she told him honestly. “But you better get on the phone and tell Sam everything. And then you better get a real job, because you’re going to have a third child to support now. That baby is going to be Lola and Derrick’s sibling, so you better make sure you and Renata work out custody issues.”

  Some of his old fire lit in his eyes and he shot her a peeved glare. “I know all that, thank you very much. I’ll take care of it.”

  He pushed himself off the wall and called for the kids, effectively cutting off any further lectures from his ex-wife. Billie shook her head to clear out the fog of amazement and kissed her kids goodbye and told them she would pick them up in three days, on Sunday. She continued to wave until Chad pulled his vehicle out of the driveway and sped away.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Billie was thoughtful as she began the task of cleaning up the mess left over from that morning. She stuffed wrapping paper and boxes in a trash bag and hauled the gifts to the kids’ rooms. Her mind was frantically spinning with thoughts of Sam as she finished washing the dishes, vacuuming the floor, and pouring out the old coffee. The house was empty and silent without the kids here to distract her and loneliness welled up inside her. She wanted nothing more in the world than to be with Sam.

  Before she could stop herself, she stepped into the shower and took special care to groom herself from top to bottom, paying special attention to her bikini area. After drying off, she slathered herself in scented lotion, applied a light layer of make-up, and blew her hair out the way Emilio had taught he
r to do. In her bedroom, she grabbed the gift box from Connie and drew out the naughty matching bra and panty set. It was red silk trimmed with soft, white fur and she tried not to feel ridiculous as she shimmied into the thong and pulled the Santa-themed bra over her breasts. Connie had assured her that Hank went wild when she wore one like it and spent many days proving to her how sorry he was for his part in that night’s debacle. Finally, Billie dressed with care by pulling on her best skinny jeans, a form-fitting red sweater, and slipped her feet into a pair of Jimmy Choos that Diana had given her for Christmas.

  Standing in front of the mirror, Billie honestly appraised herself. She had to admit that she looked damn good and that confidence bolstered her failing courage. She grabbed her purse, threw on her coat, and picked up the lone wrapped present left under the tree and determinedly left the house to jump in her car.

  Fifteen minutes later, she steeled her spine to knock on the door in front of her. Her stomach was behaving like she was on a roller coaster and her hands were shaking from more than the cold when the door opened to reveal Sam standing there looking deliciously rumpled in his green plaid pajama pants, bare feet, and black tank top with a look of surprise on his face.

  “Merry Christmas, Sam,” she managed to whisper as they stood staring at each other across his threshold.